Why do I have a sick sad desire for fic in which a moustache-twirling Snidely Whiplash type villain ties Ukraine to some railroad tracks, necessitating Canada coming to her rescue in Mounty garb? While yelling "I'LL SAVE YOU!"?

For some reason that sounds awesome to me. WTF brain.

[00:06] Mississippienne: and now theres some crap about the upcoming crossover where doom apparently captures storm, not for hot adulterous sexings, as i would hope, but for public execution
[00:06] Mississippienne: because doom is that stupid
[00:06] strawberispring: ...does he know how many people he's going to piss off?
[00:07] Mississippienne: hed publically execute the queen of wakanda
[00:07] Mississippienne: whos also an x-man
[00:07] strawberispring: clearly he thought this through
[00:07] strawberispring: i imagine doom's plans are written out
[00:07] strawberispring: he starts writing them, gets to step one
[00:07] strawberispring: and then just scrawls "RICHAAAAAAARDS" over an over again
[00:07] Mississippienne: 1. capture storm
[00:07] Mississippienne: 2. RIIIIICHAAAARDS
[00:07] Mississippienne: 3. ???
[00:07] Mississippienne: 4. profit!
[00:08] strawberispring: and really it's just "capture susan richards" with her name crossed out and storm's written above it
[00:08] Mississippienne: i will forgive all if however the solicits lie and it really is storm running off with doom
[00:09] Mississippienne: because that would be so epic and soap opera-y
[00:09] strawberispring: and i would buy storm/panther if it concluded with t'challa standing outside castle doom with a boombox, playing 'in your eyes'

And later...

[00:43] strawberispring: "lady medusa? while i know you speak for our lord, king black bolt and i do not question his rulings but...why would we need to build a neiman marcus on the moon?" "...SHUT THE FUCK UP, THAT'S WHY!"
[00:44] Mississippienne: medusa has to bitch slap some hoes
[00:44] Mississippienne: fear her pimp hand
[00:44] strawberispring: pimp hair
[00:44] Mississippienne: of course
[00:45] strawberispring: now that she's ruler of attilan, i imagine things are going to get pimptacular
[00:45] Mississippienne: crazy yolandos are gonna be throwing they titties against the windshield of medusa's fly ride
[00:46] strawberispring: while crystal remarks in an even tone "there sure are a lot more titties nowadays"
[00:46] Mississippienne: medusa lifts her chalice, pours some wine on the ground and dedicates it to 'my homies who could not be here today'
[00:46] strawberispring: when she enters a room, she has made it a law that 50 cent's 'p.i.m.p.' must be played
[00:48] Mississippienne: when she conducts council meetings, scantily clad dancers swing about on poles in the middle of the conference room
[00:48] Mississippienne: it makes foreign dignitaries uncomfortable... in their pants
[00:48] Mississippienne: except for doom, who calls that 'tuesday'
[00:48] strawberispring: namor's fine with it as long as the dancers wear blonde wigs and answer to 'susan'
[00:49] strawberispring: also, all alpha primitives now have to wear 'do rags
[00:50] Mississippienne: and by royal decree, only medusa is allowed to have a 'pimp limp'
[00:50] strawberispring: the rest of the royal family is now mandated to get tattoos in old english on their fingers
[00:51] Mississippienne: medusa's says 'BADASS MUTHAFUCKA"
[00:52] Mississippienne: maximus' is 'MOM' and 'DAD'
[00:52] strawberispring: crystal's just say 'WHORE' and 'SKANK' at her sister's behest "i don't really ag--SLAP-"
[00:53] Mississippienne: what does black bolts say? it needs to be something insanely epic
[00:53] Mississippienne: like 'THE LAST THING' and 'YOU'll EVER SEE'
[00:54] strawberispring: oh FUCK yes
[00:54] strawberispring: then they got lazy and everyone else's is just their name
[00:54] strawberispring: she also tried installing hydraulics on lockjaw
[00:55] Mississippienne: and rims
[00:55] strawberispring: "well he already had a hood ornament"
[00:56] Mississippienne: actually i think maximus should have 'MEDUSA'S BITCH' tattooed on his chest
[00:56] strawberispring: i agree. and tear drops tattooed on his face for how many times he's been throwing in inhuman jail

...but as both my birthday (December 6) and Christmas are fast approaching, I would like it to be known I would thrilled at the gift of a rename token. :) I'm soooo tired of having to flock everything because of internet detectives, and I think a simple renaming would solve the problem for the most part.

Mississippienne: dakens all "i just wanted to see if you're everything they said you were" as he and skaar gaze into each others eyes, backlit by the sun
suzy trackmarks: Too bad Skaar's just, like, an episode of To Catch a Predator





Mississippienne: also LOL daken uses his daddys head for a shield
suzy trackmarks: at which point Logan becomes Homer Simpson
suzy trackmarks: WHY YOU LITTLE
Mississippienne: D'OH
Mississippienne: as daken zooms away on his skateboard
suzy trackmarks: I kind of want Simpson-style fanart of Logan strangling Daken now
Mississippienne: omg and x23 is lisa. ARGH I CANT UN-SEE IT
suzy trackmarks: oh God yes. Laura, Lisa...pretty similar. It gets Daken to stop, though.
Mississippienne: also, the leader is all pedobear in this
Mississippienne: "go ahead bruce, bond with that magnificent son of yours!"
Mississippienne: wtf. whats next? "take him for walks in the park, cook pancakes and bacon, bathe in sparkling mountain springs with that young adonis -- one day, he will belong to... THE LEADER!"
suzy trackmarks: I just pictured Bruce and Skaar all ^__^ and splashing each other in a pool
Mississippienne: while the leader watches, thru his binoculars. from across the street. in his skeevy motel room. in his underwear. "soon, the leader strikes! mmm, the water glistening on his chesticles... yes, i covet your... power."
suzy trackmarks: The Leader is now the pervert on Family Guy
suzy trackmarks: I declare it canon

Title: My Heart In Your Hands
Author: Mipp
Characters: Russia, America
Rating: M for Mature themes
Warnings: Apocalyptic imagery, power abuse issues
Summary: America finds Russia's heart, and learns his real name, putting Russia under his spell for a brief period of time.

Based on this prompt for one nation gaining control over another by learning their human name.

( be careful with that, it's fragile )

Okay, first of all I am a day late and a dollar short, but fuck it, I've been doing important shit like ~SAVING THE WORLD~ and I can't be expected to follow fandom's every fart. But the ONTD/Eli Roth saga is better than anything in the tabloids, for real-real. The fangirls are ripping each other apart over accusations of slutdom, and now Omar Doom has gotten into it by admitting he'd love to see photos of pert fangirl breasticles, too.

Oh God, say it isn't so! OF COURSE Roth and Doom love the attention. They've probably both been dreaming about hundreds of girls sending them naughty photos since their voices starting breaking. They're horny dudes. It's like being mad at a dog for licking it's balls. IMHO, the fangirls either need to OWN THIS SHIT ("hell yeah I cyber'd the hell out of the Bear Jew") or STFU.

In completely unrelated news, Daken has been sighted in a Japanese music video. I bet he didn't even audition or anything, he just wandered on set and made everyone molest him with his pheromone powers. Also, BLING BLING LIZARD.

Title: BC Bud
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Canada, America, England, France, Russia; one-sided France -> England, America/Russia
Rating: M for Mature Themes and portrayal of drug use.
Warnings: Drug use portrayed in a humorous manner. Bad language. Mild sexual content.
Summary: Canada and America get high together and cause all sorts of problems.

( Read more... )

Title: After Techno-Crucifixion
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia/Terminator
Rating: M for Mature Themes, Violence
Prompt: In a certain Hetalia/Terminator fusion universe (or more then one of them...) the entire Skynet collectives (including the bioroids, etc) eventually managed to become 'alive enough' and 'sapient enough' to generate a Skynet-tan.

( I've seen the android god preaching )

THE "i've always wanted to tell you" MEME

And because it annoys the shit out of me when people bitch about comments they get on anonymous memes, I hereby promise not to have any 'OMG GUYZ someone was MEAN to ME!' posts over any comments I receive. I do reserve the right to explain something (ie, 'why did you write tony/doom i HATE that pairing' 'I wrote it to fill a prompt on the kink meme') but not to bitch about it. So fire away.

Okay, so for this fic to make any sense whatsoever, you need to know that on the Hetalia Kink Meme one of the most popular requests is to see America being gang-raped by basically the entire cast. As in so popular there are several epic fics written on this topic. Now I'm sure you could write many psychology papers on why people would want to read about the personification of their nation being brutally raped over and over, but really, I'm here for the lulz. And nothing is lulzier to me than the thought of America (who canonically can bench-press a Volvo) being gang-raped like Jodie Foster in The Accused. So when someone posted a request for America to turn the tables on his attackers, I happily obliged.

WARNING: Inappropriate attempted rape-related humor. Lots and lots of VIOLENCE.

( Read more... )

A little follow-up on Daken and Luna's cozy family-life.

( Read more... )

So to understand this you need to know that strawberispring had a cracked out dream that Daken and future!Luna ended up together in the future and had two children. This sort of insanity demanded discussion.

( Read more... )

Over several centuries of contact during the Crusades, the Franks and the Saracens had ample opportunity to observe one another's cultures and poke swords into one another. In an earlier post on oltramar, I stated that in my opinion that both sides were somewhat sexually obsessed with each other.
( This, at least on the Franks' part, manifested as a tendency to accuse their enemies of being cum-guzzling cock-mongers. )

So today I tried to read the Skaar Son of Hulk TPB to get caught up for the upcoming Wolverine/Hulk/Skaar/Daken fourway battle in Incredible Hulk #603. Four issues into it, Skaar has said two lines: "&*%^ the Prophets" and "Stupid softskins."

WTF. The entire thing is nothing more than Skaar grunting and punching aliens, while other aliens monologue and provide exposition.

To those who are currently writing that great Daken fic over on the Marvel Kink Meme, I would just like to remind y'all that Daken was born in 1946. I flinch every time I see him described as "the younger man" in fic when he's usually older than anyone he's paired with by several decades. I'd understand if the fic was written from the POV of a character who doesn't know and has no reason to suspect that Daken is well past sixty, but most of the time the fic is written in third person omniscient. I imagine that this mistake happens a lot because of Daken's eurotrash, kid-with-a-bad-attitude persona, but c'mon y'all, he's old enough to be Bullseye's grandfather. Hell, he might be Bullseye's grandfather.

TL;DR: Daken is older than all of these people:

Bullseye
Anole
Northstar
Emma Frost

... so don't call him 'the younger man' in comparison to them, thanks.

( But more importantly -- Daken big pimpin' in DW #77! )

I'm writing this from a coffee shop in Baton Rouge. Across from my chair, a rotund little man had fallen asleep all curled up in his chair. A curly-headed woman walked over -- maybe she was his wife, or a friend, I dunno -- looked down at him, and gently rubbed his knee. He opened his eyes and did that little blink-and-uncurl thing people do when they've been awakened by someone they know. She smiled at him and began rubbing his knee and then stroking the side of his face. The whole scene was so intimate and tender.

Beware! Because these entries were written for the Kink Meme, there may be questionable or disturbing content. There will assuredly be ADULT content. Use your best discretion. Consider this a blanket disclaimer for this entire post.

Title: Untitled
Pairing/Characters: Chibimerica, Russia, England, Chibicanada
Prompt: anon wants country A and country B interacting when country A is a child. country A, being young and naive, declares that "when i grow up i'm going to marry country B". country B can be sort of uncomfortable or amused, depending on your interpretation. later, when both are adults, country B brings up that country A proposed to him/her all those years ago.
Rating: T for Teen
( Read more... )

Title: Vision at Maciejowice
Pairings/Characters: Poland
Prompt: A soldier fought for his country and is now on his deathbed. He gets the honor of meeting his country. Expecting a beautiful young woman (how they're usually portrayed), he is disappointed to find his country is a man.
Rating: T for Teen
( Read more... )

Titles: Sacred Darling and My Strange uncles From Abroad, both available on breeding_world
Pairings/Characters: America/Russia, England, Alaska, Ukraine
Warnings: Mpreg. Hey, they're anthropomorphic representations of nations. Who says they breed like normal humans?
Prompt: Russia/America - Alaska as their illegitimate child
Rating: M for Mature Content

Title: now i bleed roses
Pairings/Characters: America/Japan
Prompt: US and Japan falling in love during the occupation after the end of WWII.
Rating: G for General

( Read more... )

With apologies to terana. You know you're my boo.

Me, caia_comica, and harmonyangel were hanging out the other day and talking about how Daken should marry Harry Osborn. Hear me out.

Daken lives for torturing people, and this would piss off two of the people he hates the most: Norman Osborn and Wolverine. Can't you just see Logan and Norman sitting across from each other during the ceremony, each boring holes in the other with their eyes, until Norman snaps from fury and begins beating Logan with his Goblin glider? Plus think of all the excellent snark and angst that would result, much of it from Peter Parker.

I think it should be called Dark Reign: Dark Wedding.

Title: Sometimes Your Words Just Hypnotize Me
Fandom: Marvel Comics' Dark Wolverine
Rating: M for Mature Content
Pairing: Daken/Bullseye
Warnings: SPOILERS. Dub-con. Disturbing content. It's supervillain slash, y'all. Use your best judgment.
Notes: Written for the Marvel Rare Pairs Kink Meme.

( Biggie biggie biggie, can't you see/Sometimes your words just hypnotize me )

I only really knew Daken from scans of Wolverine: Origins back in the day on scans_daily, where he was much hated. He is the long-lost son of Wolverine and his Japanese wife Itsu. He's got a weird punk mohawk haircut, lots of tattoos, and a 'tude so big it should have a moon orbiting it. He's also, as it happens, an evil nasty crazy horny son of a bitch.

So of course I'm now totally in love with him. And if you will, flist, give me a few moments of your time, I endeavor to -- not make you fall in love with Daken -- but perhaps to show y'all why he's got some redeeming qualities as a character.

( Daken's trying to sleep his way through the cast of Dark Avengers, and he deserves points for THAT, at least. )